Wawyard Children and Rebellious Teenagers | Bible Study
Wayward (Prodigal) Children and Rebellious Teenagers
When a mother and hopefully also a father have raised their child knowing God and His word, and taught them grace living, but that child later on rebels and even walks away from the faith, what can you do? What comfort is there in that time?
One of the first things to do is to turn to God and His word. Believers experience a variety of sufferings in life but one of the most difficult ones is when your child decides to walk away from the faith. It only makes it worse if they also are still in the home behaving rebelliously and you are at your wits end. At these times we need to keep turning to God and His word. It's not easy to walk in the Spirit when you have a rebellious teenager always trying to push your buttons.
We need to remember and understand that even for believers, our flesh is still vile. It is just as vile now as it was before we were saved! The flesh doesn't change and Jesus didn't die for our flesh.
Romans 7:18 KJB
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
When we are saved, God's Spirit comes to live in our spirit so it's our inner man that is changed. We become a new creature in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:17 KJB
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
However, we need to "feed" our inner man with God's word rightly divided daily, believe it and then choose to walk in the Spirit instead of after the flesh or else we will literally live just like the world.
Romans 12:2 KJB
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
If our child is saved, but has walked away from the faith, they are choosing to live after the flesh and that is disheartening to us because we know that it will only lead to more difficulties in their lives as well as loss of rewards in heaven.
1 Corinthians 3:14-15 - KJB
“If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.”
However, if our child was never actually a believer, then they only have the sin nature and all that an unbeliever can do is sin, so of course they are going to live worldly.
Romans 14:23c "for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."
If they are too contentious to even hear the gospel, the only thing we can do is to keep allowing Christ and His word to live in and through us as that will show them God's love and hopefully over time they will choose to believe the gospel for themselves or if they are already saved, they might eventually choose to get back into bible study and then live godly.
Young people today are really being deceived more than any other time in history. It's like the 1960s but doubly worse! There are so many lies and deceptions that it's hard to keep up with it all! Even parents who homeschool their children can see their kids caught up in one deception or another. Of course there are also many Christian parents with children who thankfully never walk away from the faith, but there are those who do. I remember a Christian family when I was growing up who raised all of their children exactly the same, taught them God's word, went to church regularly, homeschooled them and socialized their children in healthy ways. All of the children except for one stuck with the faith. That one child really rebelled after leaving home for several years but fortunately as she got older, she eventually came back to her faith. The best thing that the parents did was that they never wavered from their own beliefs or lifestyle, kept the daughter in prayer and showed her a lot of grace.
Other things that you can do is seek family counseling from a grace pastor or a Christian-based psychologist if the child is still in the home. Something else could be going on in their life that you might not be aware of and a good Christian counselor, pastor or therapist can help with that. Make sure also that you and your husband stick with family rules even if the child becomes more rebellious. It's important to keep boundaries with our children, meaning to have rules and consequences if they do not obey those rules.
Paul tells Father's not to provoke their children to wrath.
Ephesians 6:4 KJB
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
NURTURE, To feed; to nourish. 2. To educate; to bring or train up.
ADMONI'TION, noun Gentle reproof; counseling against a fault; instruction in duties; caution; direction
WRATH, noun [Latin]
1. Violent anger; vehement exasperation; indignation
What this means is that if you are too strict, the child has a heavy yoke which is a form of bondage, and it actually stirs up the sin nature even more because the more that they try to follow your really strict rules, the more they will rebel or want to rebel and the more they will actually sin (even if its secretive). You can read about how the law works wrath in us in Romans chapters 6-7. Plus, they will not know or understand God's grace but will assume that salvation comes by trying to keep the law instead of by grace through faith. They also won't be seeing the example of grace living. I've seen this with some Pastors children who were brought up very strictly, and taught nothing but legalism. Once they become of age, they go really wild! At the same time however, our children cannot just have no rules at all. It must be a healthy balance. And even when we do teach them God's word rightly divided, it still doesn't mean that they will always make perfect decisions or that they won't choose to rebel.
I also do NOT believe that beating your child is ever the answer. I've heard of believers refer to this as "training up a child" by literally beating them into submission. Training up a child has nothing to do with beating them. It's about teaching them Gods word rightly divided and being an example of grace living by allowing Christ and His word to live in and through you. The verse, Proverbs 13:24 KJB says "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."
Sparing the rod means discipline, but because we are under grace and not law, we have to make gracious decisions about what kind of discipline. [As a side-note: this Psalm is really more in reference to God chastening the nation of Israel when they rebelled in the old testament as well as God's chastisement on them during the coming 7 year tribulation period after the Church the Body of Christ is raptured out and God resumes his prophetic program with Israel. Israel is often referred to in scripture as a child and a son. Exodus 4:22 KJV: And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:].
In the Old Testament law, it was so strict that if a child became rebellious and refused correction, he or she could be stoned to death!
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 KJB
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Thank goodness we are not under the law but are under grace!
Romans 6:14
"...for ye are not under the law, but under grace."
Remember that the law was given to show us our sin nature so that we can acknowledge that we are incapable of saving ourselves and then trust in God to save us.
Galatians 3:24 KJV: Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.
What these parents do not understand is that you cannot change the sin nature. It is vile even after salvation. As believers, we do not live the Christ life through the efforts of our flesh by trying to tame our flesh. Rather, we are to live the Christ life by getting sound grace doctrine in our inner man (reading, studying, meditating upon and believing God's word rightly divided), believe it and then yeilding ourselves over to obey it. If you think that you are taming your childs sin nature by beating them or any other extreme form of punishment, you are fooling yourself, making yourself into a god, and abusing the child. We do need to guide our children to make better choices and give them rules and consequences, but never abuse them. At the same time we should be teaching them the gospel and allowing Christ to live in and through us so that as they get older and come to understand that they have a sin nature and cannot save themselves, they will hopefully then choose to believe it. Then, as believers they need to mature spiritually through the word, and this needs to be a decision that they make. You can teach them God's word rightly divided, but ultimately they have to choose for themselves whether or not to believe it and then to obey it.
Some of these parents may have frightened and abused these children into submission (provoking them unto wrath), but these children might not ever believe the gospel because they will believe that they must do works in order to be saved or if they are saved, they will be walking after the flesh instead of in the Spirit by continually trying to keep their flesh tame by their own fleshly efforts! This is called "having a form of godliness" and probably most of Christendom has a "form of godliness but are denying the power thereof," because they do not understand Grace Living.
2 Timothy 3:5
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
If your children are grown up and out of the house, you just have to give them their space and continue to pray for them. As mentioned before, keep allowing Christ and His word to live in and through you and hopefully they will choose to come back to the faith.
Remember also to give yourself grace. If you raised them with God's word, and did your best to parent and protect them, then you really did your best. Our children have to make decisions for themselves about God and godly living. All parents also make mistakes sometimes. No one is perfect. We are to be continually learning and maturing spiritually through the word which helps us to make better decisions in life as well. Remember that Christ died for our sins and your sins are covered by his precious blood. If your child is saved, no matter how worldly and ungodly they are behaving, their sins are covered by his precious blood as well. Believers can never loose their salvation ever. Praise the Lord! Really understanding our eternal security and identity in Christ helps us to live godly too, so make sure to teach this to your children and hopefully they will believe it.
It's also important to remember that God understands your suffering in this. He created all people and he loves all of us, but most people choose to never believe the gospel. Most people in the world are rebellious towards Him and are perishing.
Romans 3:10-12
10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:
11 There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.
12 They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.
I think about Noah's flood a lot. The whole world before the flood knew about God, and knew about the fall in the garden and yet almost all of these people chose to reject God!
Genesis 6:3
3 And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: [has a sin nature] yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years [God was giving man 120 years before the flood would come, thus he sends Noah to preach righteousness and salvation by trusting God to save them].
Genesis 6:5-6
5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. [ALL that an unbeliever can do is sin. However, we do have freewill and can choose to believe in God to save us!]
6 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, [God had a change of mind! Repentance means to change your mind; we repent when we go from not believing the gospel to believing it] and it grieved him at his heart. [God doesn't want to see us destroying ourselves with sin and unbelief]
Noah spent over 100 years preaching to them, but only 8 people got into the ark!
Genesis 6:8
8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.
Hebrews 11:7
7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.
2 Peter 2:5
5 And spared not the old world, but saved Noah the eighth person, a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly;
Their may have been BILLIONS of people on the planet, similar to today. And I personally think that it took those 120 years or so also for his wife, three sons and their wives to come to believe God. They may not have all believed all at once, so Noah and God were longsuffering and patient. And Noah had to have had other relatives that perished, maybe even other children! His three sons might be the only ones mentioned because they were the only children of Noah's to believe God at that time!
So, God understands your suffering. He is longsuffering and patient with mankind today. Also, God loves your child and wants your child to be saved and to come unto the knowledge of the truth. You can turn to Him regularly in prayer and Bible study. He will bring you comfort!
