Husbands, Love Your Wives| Biblical Womanhood and Homemaking Encouragement

Ephesians 5:25-27

"25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish."

So what does it mean for a husband to love his wife?

This includes him being kind, caring, considerate, compassionate, and encouraging, and especially to be spiritually encouraging to his wife as she deals with the sufferings of godly living. It also includes providing for his wife and family financially and with a safe place to live, food to eat, clothing, and other necessities. It also includes taking care of her when she is ill, disabled or dealing with grief, anxiety or depression. 

This is also what it can look like:

• Spiritual giving - setting aside his flesh and doing his own Bible study, having Bible studies with you on occasion and also Bible studies with your children as a family (the husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of the family).

• Giving himself to his wife by reading and studying scripture, believing it and obeying it. This way he can allow Christ to live in and through him which is spiritually beneficial and encouraging to his wife and children. 

• A wife will respond to his love - caring about your feelings, caring about your health and well-being, and most of all caring about yours and your children's spiritual well-being, as well as your physical well-being. 

The GREATEST love that you can show any person is to care about their spiritual well-being. That they are saved, that they will mature spiritually through the word and allow Christ to live in and through them. Yes, we also show love by our physical actions like a husband being the provider for the family and physically protecting his wife, the wife keeping the house, cooking and doing her husband's laundry, as well as through lovemaking, kind and loving words, being encouraging and supportive of one another etc.

It should also always be centered around grace. God deals with us in grace and that's how we are to respond to others too. A husband putting his wife under legalism and running a legalistic household, is actually SPIRITUAL ABUSE and can even lead to physical and emotional/mental abuse (because trying to keep the law in the energy of our flesh actually makes us exceeding sinful- read Romans chapters 6-7).

Some other things that a believing husband could do to be loving to his wife as Christ loves the church:

• Watch his language around his wife and make sure that other men and people around her do the same when possible. This was a very common thing in the old days, however because of the changes in our culture, both men and women often use foul language without any shame about it, but believers should not be this way. A husband should put aside his flesh and only speak edifying things. 

• Be careful of what he watches, reads and listens to especially around his wife and children. Is it edifying and helpful? Or is it carnal and immoral? The beleving wife is to guard her own mind and that of the children so it would feel defeating if the husband is spending a lot of his time watching or listening to foul language in movies, TV shows, music or playing violent video games in front of her and the children (really, believers shouldn't do this period). Believers have God's Spirit in our spirit and these things grieve the Holy Spirit in us when we engage with them. There are other ways for men to be manly without engaging in violence, curse words etc.

I'm not here to preach to men, but I'm giving women some examples of what "husband's loving their wives as Christ loves the church" can look like. The sad thing is that many Christian husbands are not doing this.


So how do we get our husbands to change if they are not loving their wives as Christ loves the church? 

• Win them over without the word. This requires an enormous amount of patience and the reality also is that they might never change. 

1Pe 3:1 KJB
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

• If they are an unbeliever, give them the gospel at least once but don't nag them about it. If they haven't believed after that, then the new tactic is to just pray for them and allow Christ to live in and through you. Don't even talk about the gospel or Bible study at all anymore with him unless he brings it up, and even then keep in mind that he is an unbeliever so he just needs to understand the gospel unto justification. You can recommend male preachers that he could listen to that are Midacts Grace believers, or to come with you to church if you have a grace church if he starts to become more interested. 

• If he's a believer, but is carnally-minded, again win him over to sound grace doctrine without the word by allowing Christ to live in and through you. Eventually, over time, he may realize that grace living is far better than the carnal lifestyle even if you do still suffer (we suffer as we live godly, but carnal living leads to suffering too, however godly living leads to rewards in heaven and carnal living is just wasted time!). 

• The reality is that sometimes we just have to suffer with an unbelieving husband or a believing husband who is more carnally-minded. But, we only live on earth for a short time compared to all of eternity! We can still love them, find things about them that we are thankful for, and be kind to them etc. One day God will reward us for our longsuffering and patience. 

• If you have a believing husband who reads and studies the Bible regularly, have patience with him as he matures in the word. Hopefully he knows and understands sound grace doctrine but if not, just be patient. As wives who read and study God's word rightly divided regularly, we too are maturing spiritually over time and it does take time so we need to be patient with ourselves as well.

please note: you do not have to endure abuse of any kind. We have liberty as adult sons of God to leave if it is absolutely necessary for our and our children's safety. 

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